Farewell, Peter Pan
My first medium text post, it was inspire by the newest TXT EP B-Side track, called farewell, Neverland. The last song on that EP actually. The song lyrics with my post gonna have a very different vibe. But, yeah, don't mind it. In here, I just want to resave my memory about any's Peter Pan that have been fill my life till 2022. And here's the list.
As a teenager girl, I've already attract with boys. It just begin at my Junior High School. I thought every girl was already feel that in their first puberty, and also me. In 2nd grade of Junior High School, I get more closer with a boy in my classes. A tall boy, with a glasses. He's very diligent, polite, a quite boy, type of a smart boy. He's also become a leader in my class. No doubt, he's already take my good impression for his figure.
This boy, is very good person. But in my eyes, I realize that his figure is not more than my helper. I realize, I like him not for soul and heart, but for his brain. To be honest, I was stupid in mathematics. Not that stupid kind of brainless. At that time, I just don't like mathematics, a counting learning. Why people must learning mathematics while we have a equipment called calculator. Mathematics just for scientist. We, as ordinary people, doesn't need any formula for the counting number. We have a calculator. Thats why I just really hate to studying mathematics in Junior High School.
I am happy with that boy because I just doesn't need to finish my mathematics homework. That boy really help me. He give me his worked. I was very happy with our relations. But, more days has passes, and I start feeling guilty for my act. A year passes, we separated for the next grade. We enter the different class in final grade. I use to not contact him in final grade. My mind say that I'll better leave him with his good personality. I'm not deserve for him. My Junior High School was already passes with an ordinary incident in everyday.
I moved to a Senior High School, a girl who already become more mature in age and mentally. Got my new boyfriend again while I just starting a new journey in 16 years old. This new boy, was so addicted for me. Brain, appearance, score, money, and everything that he have. I like him most. We have the same things, about life, after school life, about a future job. We already have the same thought about how to reach our dream job. It starting with a smooth step, and I like every single step after it.
Day become month, month become year, two years already passes in our relations. And it starting to be not happy. It turns out to be bad dream for me in a second year. He become jealousy, over protective by not giving a permit for me to go out with a friends in class, especially a boys. He become sensitive. More angry when we have a little conflict in our relationship. I use to be so fed up. I've done with every single act that he do to me.
We're break up in a good way. And one sentence that he say to me in that night when we break up, I still remember it till this day.
"If you love a man after this, make sure that he's better than me. Make sure that he's more loving you than me. You need to know that he love your family to more than me. Find that man, and I'll give you a permit to leave me."
Not gonna deny it, but this boy is the best boy that I already meet in my whole 17th age I live. We graduated Senior High school in 2018. I start my journey with move to another city that far from my house. And later, I know that he do the same thing in another city to. I guess, we happy in our own version to.
Starting a new journey again in new city, I meet another boy to. From a lot of boys that I've meet, I knew one boy that begin attract me to his figure. He's one year younger than me. Looks like a kpop boy in NCT Dream, he's very attract me of all the way he did. We have a little time together. And in every time we spend together, I always feel like I am is the most happily girl ever. A several months has passes, and we already have a distance after he take the first step to avoid me. More to know, I got a fact that he avoid me because he doesn't want to make me sad, he doesn't want to make me unhappy. That what he says to me in last goodbye. This is the most heartbreak that I've ever felt. I know from his best friend. This boy, that I really fellin in love with, he got a god damn desease. I couldn't tell the specific fact for it because i don't want to spread his privacy.
I couldn't make my heart to be more sincere. The only way is, I must move from this damn city. So that I was able to forget him and all of his perfection in my memory. Thats all the bullshit if I tell all of my family and friends that I comeback to my hometown because of the pandemy. It was because I got a damn heartbreak, shit.
Now, it’s already 2023. My heart was become so hard to take another journey of love. I loved being alone. I am happy being single. Promised to myself for not rushing about relationship and family life. I.. ready to conquer the world.
